Heat ESP

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Heat ESP Retail Package Description

Heat ESP comes in a flame redish/orange wrapped 8oz. bottle with a black cap. The front, from top to bottom reads, "All Natural Stimulant", "Acai-Berry and Pomegranate", "Herbal Fusion", then there's a picture of a yellow woman burning alive, which reminds me of the Chandra Ablaze card from Magic the Gathering's Zendikar set. (pictured to the right) Then "Heat" in big white and red letters, underneath, "E.S.P." in black and yellow. Below the name, in white, "Energy, Stimulation, Performance Drink", the letters continue to get smaller with, "Super Anti-Oxidant", at the very bottom, in almost unreadable letters, "8 FL. OZ. (240ml) Dietary Supplement. Down the left side, "L-Arginine, L-Tyrosine, Taurine", down the right side, "Yohimbe Extract, Maca Root, B-Vitamins".

Then there's the back, The yellow woman, now extinguished with the text, "7 hours of energy! no jitters, no crash, only 35 calories", in white, "HEAT E.S.P.". Then, in painfully small and uncontrasting colors (a la 1997 geocities pages), "Energy, Stimulation, Performance. A new era of natural drinks has arrived, A unique fusion of four power-enhancing elements contained in one powerful drink. Heat ESP is an herbal energizer for your mind, body and soul. A rush of energy will help you feel alert and productive for up to 7 hours. All natural caffeine from green tea and coffee bean, plus b-vitamins provide you with the boost you need without the jitters and crash associated with other energy drinks. Replenish the mind and body with Heat ESP's unique blend of amino acids and electrolytes. So play hard and let Heat recharge your body. Increase your social and sexual well-being using Heat ESP's blend of ancient herbs. Maca, yohimbe and l-arginine provide a nourishing tonic formulated to enhance and prolong sexual performance. Recharge with Heat ESP's powerful blend of anti-oxidants. Acai berry and pomegranate contain electrolytes perfect for energizing your body and soul. So drink HEAT and get your HEAT on." Srsly?!? Then the warnings, "Consume responsibly, limit to (3) bottles per day. Not recommended for children, pregnant or nursing women, individuals with high blood pressure or people sensitive to caffeine."

Caffeine Addict's Heat ESP Review

I was going to review one of the newer 5-hour energy flavors, but someone poured them all down the drain. I can't say that's an incredible loss. After all, who wants 5 hours of energy, when you can get 7 hour of energy from Heat ESP? Heat still falls short of 8-hour maximum strength energy extreme 8 hour fat burner for longest name in the history of energy products, and their claims of 8 hours of energy...and fat burning.

If you've ever bussed tables, you're familiar with the process of dumping all the beverages in one cup and stacking them. The best way I can describe the taste of Heat is a swig of papa Chris's after-dinner coffee, mixed with about a 1/8 of a glass of emaciated mom Gwyneth's unsweetened tea, and the remains of little Apple's apple juice sippy cup. As disgusting as that sounds, I'm surprisingly drawn to consume it, and find it as ridiculously refreshing as the prospect of a new Robocop film. It's uncarbonated, sweetened with stevia, and lightly fruity with a hint of black coffee bite.

While it goes down smoothly, claims to be loaded with anti-oxidants, and stimulants to enhance blood flow to your "vital organs"; I find it as well-intending and costly, but ultimately as noneffective, as most government social programs. With a suggested retail price of $3 for an 8oz. bottle, I've had several $6-9 suggest retail price breakfasts over the past few days.

Heat, is just overpriced and underpowered. I can imagine a good number of people finding the taste offensive. It does have a good number of anti-oxidants, horney goat weed (also found in Crunk!) and because it's uncarbonated, I know at least one person who should be able to drink Heat ESP without throwing up. I can't recommend you buy Heat ESP, but if someone ships a free case to your office, it's worth a try.

Energy Junkie's Heat ESP Review

I find the flavor of Heat ESP rather revolting, like week old fruit juice that someone has been dropping ice and cigarette butts in. I think "watered down" is the most poignant aspect, I want more of the good flavor (the fruits), and less of the nasty tar/burnt coffee taste.

Heat ESP talks a lot about "Stimulation" and "Performance", no one here is in a position to test that theory. I, for one, wasn't "on the prowl" as a result of Heat ESP, and unlike the average woman in their 20's, I'm not willing to go out, get drunk, lower my inhibitions and standards, just to sleep with some guy and satiate my need for social acceptance. There are better ways to confirm your utility as a person than acquiring microscopic insect infestations.

As far as packaging, you don't see a lot of 8oz. bottles, but it appears to have approximately the same radius as most 8.3oz/12oz. cans. One eye-catching aspect of the bottle is the flame's, perhaps intentional, shape resemblance to Georgia O'keeffe's Black Iris III painting. I can't say, even with claims of improved sexual prowess, that I'd expect these to fly off the shelf. Those sort of supplements have been readily available through lewd email spam since the late 90's.

For me, this was the placebo. Absolutely pointless and unsavory to drink. To top it off, they want $3 a piece for them. Egregious!