Hooters Energy Drink

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Hooters Energy Drink Retail Package Description

The fake diamond plate can is adorned with the "World Famous Hooters" owl logo, the text "DELIGHTFULLY UNREFINED ENERGY", and what appears to be a reasonably breasted woman, likely of ill repute, and, based on her posture, may be suffering from a hip subluxation. She may also be breaking wind. At the end of the day, the most important thing to take away from the woman featured on the can is her cheapness, she looks as cheap as you'd expect anyone to look in the Hooters ersatz 70s running shorts, and undersized hooters wife beater. They talk about being the proud sponsor of some NASCAR truck, some warning about not drinking it if you're a pansy to caffeine, knocked up, or a kid, and the most delightful part, a less than unamusing "DOUBLE SIZE" text written across the top. (if you didn't get their attempted joke, you are too young to be reading this review).

Caffeine Addict's Hooters Energy Drink Review

Ok, people have been dancing around this for years, but noone ever comes out and says it, Hooters food sucks. These "World Famous Wings", which I just "had to try" were on par with Tyson microwave wings (and may very well be). Now that that's out in the open, let me take it a step further, Hooters women aren't that hot either. I mean sure, if I detested my wife, avoided her and the kids as much as possible, or I was hard up enough for action that I'd tell Tori Spelling she was hot enough to be on 90210 with a straight face, I'd probably think every woman in Hooters was a 10 (yes, on a scale of 1 to 10), heck the dude cooks would probably be looking pretty good. Meanwhile, I'd give the hottest women I've seen there about a 6 on average, and that's before the 1.75 point reduction for counterfeit personality. Also, I don't remember telling them they could sit at my table while taking my order. Did it ever occur to you that I'm here with a gang of dateless dudes because I don't like women? Now, stand up, and take my order, I need to get home and watch Buffy reruns.

This drink is just a slap in the face to reputable non-sex marketed energy drinks like Full Throttle, Bookoo, 5 Hour Energy, Jolt and others. It tastes ok, like Shasta (Faygo) orange, has a reasonable dose of caffeine, taurine, and guarana. The price is the same as other drinks in it's size, but I dare not say this is in the same "class", as this drink has a complete lack of "class".

Energy Junkie's Hooters Energy Drink Review

This energy drink will be a hit amongst the crowd of mid-30s balding men who have convinced themselves that their 2004 Buick LeSabre is a symbol of their financial success which will surely impress the staff at the local "World Famous Hooters". The selfsame crowd that feel that somehow attending Hooters is more refined than frequenting a titty bar, but rest assured that every woman in both establishments has the same ravenous desire to make babies with them. The aforementioned crowd will buy this drink, consume it, and likely affix the empty can to the dashboard of their LeSabre with super glue until it's so sun-faded, that the smell of family dog and cigar far outweigh the stench of lost integrity.

That being said, this drink is as generic-tasting as you would expect a "World Famous Hooters Energy Drink" to be. Essentially, it's Sunkist, only packaged to be nearly as pathetic as Hugh Heffner, or anyone who thinks Hugh Heffner is anything more than an old crotchety pervert. But, since Sunkist tastes pretty good, I regret this Orange soda has been reduced to residing in this deplorable can.

The energizing ingredients are impressive, and in all fairness, I'm reviewing it as such. This drink is energizing, but doesn't make you any less wretched if you buy it.

At $1.99, you're about $8 short of being patronized by real fake women at a "World Famous Hooters" restaurant. Go ahead and save up your hard earned bucks, and waste away in your fantasy, "I could go home with her" world with your other four married friends who are confused about their malcontent wives. Here's an idea, take your $2 and give it to some woman you know, just for being nice, smart, tall, blonde, or any other reason besides the size and shapeliness of their mammaries.