Hooters Sugar Free Lite Energy Drink

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Hooters Sugar Free Lite Energy Drink Retail Package Description

As for the "base coat", this can is essentially the same as Hooter Energy Drink, the key differences, this can has a blonde bimbo, who's hip appears to be jointed properly. She doesn't appear to be any more overtly "endowed" than the makeshift "woman of the night" on the other can. The top and bottom sport a blue stripe, as opposed to the sugar version's orange stripe. Of course, who could forget the words "Sugar Free" and "Lite" which indicate that this drink does differ in some way from the original.

Caffeine Addict's Hooters Sugar Free Lite Energy Drink Review

What's going on? I saw you looking at me behind the Mad Dog 20/20 cooler. It's a little chilly to be wearing a tank top and orange granny panties, don't you think? You don't talk much do you? It doesn't matter, with an outfit that skanky, I wouldn't pay any attention to what you had to say anyway. You interested in going back to my place and having me ogle you while you pour me beer and spin around on a bar stool (mom would be proud). What's that? I'm funny? Well, I was voted most witty in high school. You know, it's good that I look like I like to party, because I do like to party. Do you like to party? Sure, tell me about the time you went to the beach and got soooo drunk with your guy friends. Hold on, you're an energy drink can, a vile CGA graphic vector art seductress unleashed on balding unpopular men, such as myself to peddle your liquid sin. Well, I'm not falling for that again. I know all you'll do is turn my teeth blue, give me the promise of energy for a while, then leave me wishing I was dead after I crash a couple of hours from now. You'll never get my 2 dollars, I'm going to spend that on Kid Rock albums over in the talentless hacks bargain cassette bin, maybe I'll have enough left over to get a Goo Goo Cluster.

Energy Junkie's Hooters Sugar Free Lite Energy Drink Review

I want sincerely to dislike this drink. I've always thought the entire "Hooters" ruse was just a way for college to middle-aged men to prove themselves pathetic, desperate, and utterly laughable. I'm reminded of Charlie Brown, and his repetitious, foolish attempts to kick the football while that clever minx Lucy yoinks the ball away sending Charlie Brown to his back, where he can be openly mocked and ridiculed, as he justly deserves. By the same token, each breast and posterior lusting man that enters Hooters should leave equally as disgraced when his desperate attempts to be suave and debonair end in a 20 dollar tip, and open ridicule amongst the Hooters staff, the devil, and his host of minions.

Now, let's assume that you the reader are a respectable young lad (or lass) who is aware that some people are blessed with bosoms and hind quarters that are appealing, and assuming that doesn't make those persons a complete douche, you are glad they have been blessed in such a way. Now, let's pretend the makers of this drink, and the corporate staff of Hooters is also respectable (which they aren't) and are not jamming female anatomy down your throat in an attempt to extort your 2 dollars using your own rampant lust as their weapon of choice (which they are), and objectively review the product within the can. This drink tastes really good for a diet drink, in fact, as reasonable as I found the flavor of the original, the Lite, which contains no calories, tastes better. Though the Dead Sea called, and it wants its salt back, this drink is a tasty, relatively health-oriented energy booster that works well.

If it was packaged in any other can, I'd say this is a fantastic drink with a lot to offer for a reasonable price. But, since it's a Hooters product, I'd rather wear a shirt that says, "I'm so desperate to see women of ill repute detached from their clothing, I paid to see Boogie Nights in the theatre, and sat through the whole thing" than to be seen with this product in public. I've decided to dock this drink overall rating points because Hooters is gay.