Jolt Wild Grape

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Jolt Wild Grape Retail Package Description

This can shares a great deal in common with the other Jolt Energy Drinks cans. Adorned with lightning bolts and black, reminiscent of the late great Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt drinks. The one notable difference from the other Jolt cans is the purple color, unmistakably identifying this as "grape drink".

Caffeine Addict's Jolt Wild Grape Review

I wasn't sure the day would ever come, but somehow the planets must have aligned because I was faced with late 80's/early 90's conundrum of "soda", "purple stuff", or "Sunny D". I can only post the following video because I'm not racist, which is validated by the universal measure of how many black friends I have (which is "a lot"). So, just ask any of the 4 black people I know, and they'll tell you, if it weren't for the half of Obama that's white, I'd skip work and go vote for him.

Like the young man in the Sunny D commercial, I also "wanted that purple stuff". As an added incentive, the Sunny D was my roommates and I'd already eaten his last two hot dogs and broken the right arrow key on his laptop keyboard that day.

This video is particularly applicable, as Jolt doesn't church up its offering with horny goat weed, tons of random vitamins, additional anti-oxidants, creatine, weight loss additives, artificial sweeteners, or swiftthistle, this stuff is sugar, water, purple. If the formula isn't broken, don't fix it. I don't need agave, tamarindo, or any other exotic fruit or flavor, grape has worked fine for welch's for years.

The taste was great, the sugar, water and purple contents get you jacked, and the price is right for a nearly 24oz. drink.

Energy Junkie's Jolt Wild Grape Review

Oh great, another grape soda, and this time in a can the size of WWII anti-aircraft artillery shells. When I took the lid off, I feared for my life. Apparently the can could hardly contain the hoard of energy ensnared within. I half expected a demented purple Barbara Eden to emerge and fill my days with energetic madcap adventures. Alas, no "Jeannie" to meddle in my affairs and ensure I don't ever have a healthy human romantic relationship. What I did find inside was the wonderful sugary-grape flavor my sexy 5'4" 220lb. body craves. The taste is better than any of the other crap Jason's forced me to drink and review, of course, in itself, that's not saying a lot.

I hope your bladder can withstand the massive 23.5fl.oz. diuretic payload. If you're anything like me, and my swollen prostate, then you frequently "strike out at the bowl" when called on to urinate in public bathrooms. After knocking this bladder buster back, you could have a long flight back from Tuscaloosa. Don't even think about talking to that fine Thai girl in the seat next to you, nothing's more disturbing than your restless fidgeting, constant leg crossing and purple teeth...except, perhaps, her Adam's apple.

This drink was a steal for me, at free. With Fallout 3 and Guitar Hero World Tour out this past month, I don't have $2.99 to waste on energy drinks. Jason's got plenty of them, I don't see why I wouldn't just drink his.