Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon Retail Package Description

The 2oz. Bottle of Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon is mostly black with a green horned-lion with a snake tail, something akin to a Magic the Gathering masticore creature. The text, "Kymera" appears vertically oriented, in a font that looks a little like something on an NES cartridge. At the top, in tiny Street Fighter font, "energy shot", and in the same font, "freakish energy". On the back, "2 sservings" in Street Fighter font, then, in white, "Get Freaked! Kymera crushes fatigue so you can party, work, study and perform like a beast!" Also, there's a picture of melons with "Mythic Melon".

Then there's a ton of text, "Kymera", "Mythic Melon", a readdressing of this being 2 servings, then a short novel. "Usage: Drink one serving (1/2 bottle) every three hours. Experienced users may elect to consume all contents at once. Consume contents within 72 hours of opening. Limit three servings per day. Enhanced directions at KymeraEnergy.com. Then, in big red letters, "Warning: Keep out of reach of children!". Then, "Beging with one serving to asses tolerance. Do not mix with other caffeinated products or stimulants. Do not take if under 18, pregnant or nursing, taking any medication, have high blood pressure, or any medical condition. Cease use and contact a physician immediately if you experience chest pain, severe headache, or any other health anomaly. Improper or overuse may result in serious adverse health effects. Never mix Kymera with alcohol and never drink Kymera while under the influence of alcohol."

Caffeine Addict's Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon Review

In the mid-90's, fueled by ESPN's extreme games and Mountain Dew's ad campaigns, almost everything was "extreme". It appears, nearly 20 years later, the trend has come back around, from unlikely places, with potentially fatal consequences.

The new Pottery Barn Teen catalog, clearly features a young girl, dangerously close to a polar bear, controlled by some sort of freakishly festive shock collar. Irresponsible advertisements like these are why hundreds of thousands of polar bears are put down by park rangers every year, and why another several million have been slaughtered in barbaric "polar bear roundup" rituals, in backwards states that still allow them.

On that note, the freakishly powerful Kymera Freakish Energy comes in three sizes, the relatively safe 2 serving, traditional 2oz. shot bottle, the mini-heart-attack 6fl.oz. Mobile refill station, and the lawsuit-waiting-to-happen 102fl. oz. $39.99 Power Pak. This 102 serving container dispenses the same formula as their 2oz. Shot from a boxed container, not unlike the distribution method of your mom's favorite pre-fight holiday wine.

If we've learned one thing from Four Loko, it's that college kids love to irresponsibly consume alcohol and caffeine, disregard the servings per container, throw the entire concept of moderation to the wind, then somehow transfer the responsibility for their stupidity to the manufacturer.

Now, if you're not a 12 year old, or a college student so poorly parented that you behave like a 12 year old, Kymera's Power Pak is a great value. At $39.99, with free shipping, from their website, you're looking at 51 2oz. Shots for less than a buck each.

The flavor, which they call Mythic Melon, is accurately named, at least with regards to the melon. It has a mild melon flavor, which I don't find overly artificially sweetened, like 5-hour energy.

Concerning the energy, let me emphasize that this product contains 2 servings. I drank both servings, and was uncomfortably energetic. I've sampled over 500 energy products over the last 6 years, this is 1 of only about 5 products I actually wanted to wear off. Like my reaction to Tweak Extreme and VPX Meltdown, my hands and feet were ice cold, while my chest, underarms and back were sweating like a wrangler, cornered by wily polar bears. Interestingly, Kymera and VPX Meltdown share an active ingredient which could have added hours to Kris and Kim's marriage.

At the time of this review, the company president has set up a coupon code Scream30, on the Kymera website which will get you the 102oz. Power Pak, a shot glass and refillable bottles for only $29.99. That's 59 cents per 2oz. Shot, or my recommendation would be 30 cents per 1oz. Shot.

Energy Junkie's Kymera Freakish Energy Mythic Melon Review

I can describe my experience with Kymera Freakish Energy very simply, I feel like I'm on drugs. I will not elaborate on my inexperience, or otherwise, with "party drugs". I will only say that this is strong, and if people don't know what to expect from it, they might be taken very much by surprise. As an "experienced energy drinker", I felt it safe to consume 2 servings. To elaborate on my experience, I was sweating, and restless with deep and intense heart palpitations. During the most intense times, I felt something between hunger and nausea. I found myself clinching my jaw involuntarily. I thought a great deal more intently about the opposite sex in interrupted staccato fashion. Let me get back to the sweating. The sweating was so intense, I had to change a moisture wicking shirt mid-day because it was too saturated for my comfort.

I'm personally not looking for the aforementioned sensations, but I'm sure there exists a demographic who is. They should very much like the intensity of this product, should find the melon flavor easily palatable, and will likely be most enthusiastic about the price. I urge all consumers of Kymera Freakish Energy to exercise extreme care and caution relating to the volume consumed. We're reviewing this product at the standard $40 price for the 102 serving Power Pak. For some indeterminate amount of time, You can use the promo code Scream30 to get $10 off at www.kymera.com