Monster Import

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Monster Import Retail Package Description

The Monster Import can has a resealable can, which they talk about in great length on the back in the following uninspiring corporate drivel:

"While in Europe last summer", 2008, update your can n00bs, "at the Spanish MotoGP, we saw a cool resealable can and knew it was perfect for Monster. The can company said, 'only available in Europe.' We said, 'B.S. We gotta have it!'" Oh Monster, you're so awesome, just like Soulja Boy, you tell 'em. "Of course, we got the can, brewed up our own super-premium Imported Monster in Amsterdam and sold so much if it we ran out." You could just say, "we sold it all". The can verbosely continues, "Now Monster Import is made right here in the U.S.A. Same imported can, same great taste, same killer formula and big bad buzz. What a Country! If you can open and close the can with one hand you probably dated a lot when you were younger." Applying this logic, the author of this can drivel can't open the can with one hand. "One Hand No Hassle!"

The front of the can has a big angry turkey on it, which has a crest with the "Monster Claw" on it. Underneath is a banner that says, "Import". Then at the bottom, "Monster Energy". Around the rim, is animal and insect droppings...at least sometimes, and the text, "Taurine plus Ginseng plus B-Vitamins plus L-Carnitine plus" and so it goes on forever.

Caffeine Addict's Monster Import Review

I'm aware that the text at the bottom is messed up, Adobe Premier and I didn't agree on how my video should look.

Lots of people apparently feel Monster, Rockstar and Red Bull are the only energy drinks, because they're the only sponsors of X-Games athletes. Sometimes, these overly sensitive people get upset, and cry like they've wet themselves when I don't blindly sing Monster's praises.

9 years ago, when Monster was the best quality and best priced product on the market, I didn't have enough good things to say about them. Now they take up 60% of the energy drink space in C-stores, to stock a handful of worthwhile products, that still retail for 2002 prices. Additionally, the 2/$3 specials that used to be bi-weekly are now scarce, at best.

Furthermore, Monster's like a a first date that can only talk incessantly about themselves and their myriad of noteworthy accomplishments and qualities.

Say some things that should be funny, sewed testicles back on neutered dogs, completely ignored the Hansen natural mission statement, had one of the best videos of all time...the best videos of all time.

That being said, I have no real complaints with Monster Import. Sure, it's EXACTLY the same as green Monster, except 6g of sugar were replaced with sucralose, but I like green Monster. Import comes in the resealable can, with the sticker that keeps the mouth part clean. Remember, as we discussed in our Dub Edition review, this doesn't keep the excrement of vermin from collecting in the moat around the rim of the can. You do get an extra 2.6oz, which only cost you an extra 150% of the per ounce price over a 16oz can of regular Monster. I guess the money for that fancy cap they strong-armed the Europeans into giving them has to come from somewhere. And just because Monster craps gold bricks which can sprout wings, make rainbows and grant wishes, doesn't mean you should pay a dime less than exorbitant for an above average drink, which tastes nearly identical to their flagship product, delivered in an 18.6oz. can that has some bells and whistles.

Energy Junkie's Monster Import Review

I didn't think we'd ever review Monster Import, and that's not me complaining. What a pointless endeavor. If you've had regular Monster, you've had Monster Import. Seriously, it's a 10 calorie per serving difference and a can that I couldn't care less about. If anything, it's a nuisance because the top-heavy can is more likely to turnover in my shallow cup holder. The cap isn't really even that awesome, it serves more to keep the carbonation in than anything else, since most people drinking $2.50 drinks are old enough not to need a sippy cup. By the time regular Monster goes flat, it's been warm for hours, additionally, I think flat Monster is more enjoyable than warm Monster.

Ultimately, it sells because it's got Monster written on it, but you pay 50 cents for the extra 2.6fl oz. The formula is probably only different at all because some European law, likely titled, "Don't be fat with a mess of diabetes like those lazy American blokes", probably dictates that you can't exceed 5 tablespoons of sugar in a single can. Otherwise, no difference. The only possible argument for Import is that it may be slightly more thirst quenching, since it's not as syrupy.