Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade Retail Package Description

Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade Energy comes in a mostly black can, with the traditional Monster "claw" in the center. Behind the Monster "claw" is a gold/white webbish/cloudish background. Under that, "Monster" in white outlined in matallic, "Rehab" in yellow, outlined in black and metallic, "Tea plus Lemonade plus Energy" in a mixture of the two aforementioned color combinations, and at the bottom, "Non Carbonated" in yellow. Around the rim of the can, "Quercetin, Revive, Rehydrate, Refresh, Electrolytes". Accent text, "10 Calories", "5% Juice".

On the back, traditionally, Monster puts some senseless paragraph that makes it painfully obvious that a group of 50 year old board room folks are trying to connect with their 13 year old target market...poorly. Rehab is no different, only this effort reads like a bad Charlie Sheen parody:

"While chillin at the Vegas Hard Rock Rehab pool party, contemplating a cure for cotton mouth, admiring the flesh parade, and pondering the wisdom of doubling down when the dealer shows a face card, it HIT ME!

We need a new drink. One that can do it all: a triple thread that quenches thirst, hydrates like a sports drink, and brings you back after a hard day's night.
MONSTER REHAB:
RE-FRESH, RE-HYDRATE, RE-STORE or in other words, Re-habilitate with a killer mix of tea, lemonade, electrolytes and our bad-ass Rehab energy blend to fire you up. Rehab the Beast!"

Yes, that just happened, you can't unread it.

Caffeine Addict's Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade Review

With the most ridiculous text a can has ever been subjected to bearing, I want to recommend no one ever buy a Monster Rehab, or any Monster product, for that matter. There's some bullocks about a "rehab pool party" and "admiring the flesh parade", the text has all the trappings of some ill-contrived erotic role playing game. I expect the next line to read something like, "player rolls a d20 and adds his/her sexual prowess, the party master then rolls a d20 and adds the tawdry woman's intoxication level. If the player's total exceeds that of the party master, the player can choose to make boom-boom with the woman of ill repute and gain 'The Inflamed Trousers of Itching and Burning', which increases regret by 2."

Ironically, they go on to detail their epiphany, "We need a new drink". You think? Try reading our website, we've been spelling that out for you clearly for about 3 years. Amazingly, they didn't just phone it in with another Java Monster flavor. Seriously guys, they were a novel idea, but 56 flavors is enough. If I wanted coffee, I'd put grounds into that machine in my kitchen, pour water in the back and push the button. So, yay, Monster showed up with a refreshing tea flavor, they're geniuses, I mean, except that 4 and a half years ago, we raved about Inko's White Tea Energy doing everything Monster Rehab pats itself on the back for half a decade later.

And as amazingly as a 7th grader not punching himself in the nuts while eating spaghetti, Monster managed to make a tea energy drink that's refreshing...4 and a half years after Inko's White Tea accomplished the same feat. In addition to not being the original ground-breaking energy tea innovators, the taste and/or idea is essentially identical to Arizona's Arnold Palmer Lite Half and Half Iced Tea and Lemonade. What they should be singing their own praises for is using Goji Berry, an ingredient found in Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drinks, without it tasting like dark Karo syrup and Round Up.

Monster uses black tea extract, which should be an obvious choice for anyone with access to Wikipedia, and an interest in caffeine contents in tea. Along with guarana, and a listing in the "Energy Blend" that we assume is additional caffeine, Monster Rehab's energy offering chooses to "Go Full Throttle" as opposed to "Going home".

With the industry-standard $1.99 price tag, I want to recommend you buy Monster Rehab, but with my increasing disdain for Monster, their failure to develop new soda flavors, and their perpetual unmerited self-glorification, I want you to disregard it. If you just want a refreshing, delicious, low-calorie lemonade tea, drink Arnold Palmer's Half and Half, often available in 23oz. cans for under $1. If you want the energy, and you simply must have it be as delicious as Arnold Palmer tea, go ahead and buy Monster Rehab, besides feeling like an absolute tool, you'll be glad you did.

Energy Junkie's Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade Review

Monster Rehab Energy Tea is possibly the best offering since the original Monster. Dub Edition is the only other real consideration. It's un-carbonated, delicious, refreshing and is very smooth to drink. It's the first drink in some time that leaves me saddened that there isn't more in the can. More often than not, I'm over a drink well before I'm done drinking it. Not the case with Rehab, my friend purchased one for me, which I intended to review. On 4 separate occasions after that, I decided, "I better get another one to refresh my memory". So, while I rarely purchase drinks at all, I personally ponied up the cash for 4 Monster Rehabs, and purchased another for a friend who likes Arnold Palmer's Tea/Lemonade offering from Arizona.

As Jason said, this isn't anything original, Inko's White Tea Energy was just as refreshing and energizing years ago. AMP has/had some tea offerings, of which the black tea, which they called "Rebuild" was most comparable (Monster's originality should be coming into serious question about now). One unique thing about Monster Rehab is that my friend, who hates lemon in tea, enjoys Monster Rehab, despite it being like super lemonaded.

I started off saying this is possible the best Monster since the original. If there's a drink to pay $1.99 for during hot summer days, I argue it's Monster Rehab. Light, refreshing and energizing. Even thought it's not painfully original, it's still my favorite drink of 2011, thus far.