Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink Retail Package Description

After the name, was there any more room for text? Seriously, it says pretty much the same thing as Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink.

Caffeine Addict's Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink Review

I too was not man enough to drink this entire "beverage". I'd imagine Vitameatavegamin tastes a lot like Stephen Seagal's drinks. While I was drinking it, I was looking for hidden cameras; this was clearly a bad joke. Surely nothing that tastes this bad can be used for anything other than killing rats. The word "repugnant" comes off as a compliment when describing how rancid this drink is.

Assuming I've made it abundantly clear that the taste is horrible, I have no idea if it's energizing. Since I'd rather strip the skin off my face with a soup ladle than to ever attempt to raise this product to my face again, I'll never know if it's energizing. I'm going to fairly give it a poor energy score, since being drinkable should be a requirement of any beverage.

By the same token, it's also getting a horrible value rating. Your friends should pay you to drink this, like when you drank that bottle of Tabasco at the local Steak and Shake, trying to impress that girl (errr guy maybe?) your friend picked up at that dive with no walls separating the sit down toilet stalls in the women's bathroom. I mean, who voted we go see 4 non-blondes anyway, and what were you doing in the women's bathroom?

Energy Junkie's Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink Review

"It's made with lighting, real lightning". Anyway, it also contains whatever Oingo Boingo contained that made them suck so bad. There's only one ingredient that could make something so detestable. I don't think it's been identified yet, but researchers are investigating The Insane Clown Posse to see if they can isolate the gay gene and this teh ultimate suck. I would tell you what this drink tastes like, but I could hardly get it past my nose before my gag reflex kicked in. What I did taste was something like motor oil, syrup of ipecac, and cherry robitussin that went bad.

Apparently super ninjas like Steven Seagal don't have taste buds, and if they formulate an energy drink they need only concern themselves with how cool they look in their "Mortal Kombat Toasty" cameo appearance in the corner of the can. Despite my pressing the "start" button, I was not transported to a new arena to face smoke.

I can only say two positive things about this drink. It did not kill me, then again, I drank next to none of it, and it didn't come with an Insane Clown Posse CD, iTunes gift card to download ICP tracks, or free ICP ringtones and screensavers. Where's the Faygo?