Wat-aah! Energy Oxygenated Water

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Wat-aah! Energy Oxygenated Water Retail Package Description

The bottle looks marginally like a water bottle you might find in Dean and Deluca. Most notably the oblong shape and label placement are reminiscent of "Veen", one of the many overpriced water offerings at Dean and Deluca. The notable differences, the bottle is plastic, and the label has a screaming kid on it, something most Dean and Deluca customers spend their time lamenting the conception of over their $4 bottle of water. The cap is black, the label is black...does any of this really matter? Don't buy it, unless every other bottled water is more expensive, the water is shut off, you just escaped the the arid clutches of the desert and the toilets are empty.

If you must know, the bottle label reads, "Forget about caffeine and sugar. Ultra pure water with just enough oxygen is all the clean fuel your body craves, with no nasty side effects like stinky breath or rotten teeth. Drink WAT-AAH! ENERGY and you just might run FAST-AAH!"

Caffeine Addict's Wat-aah! Energy Oxygenated Water Review

Jason: "Welcome back, I'm Jason from screaming energy dot com. Our guest today is pseudoscientist Brett, he's here to talk about a product I've never heard of, Wat-aah Energy Water."

Brett: "You've not heard of it because it's not full of poisons like caffeine, sugar and calories. Also, Wat-aah doesn't spend hundreds of billions of dollars a year that pollute our streams and melt polar icecaps, like Red Bull and 5-Hour Energy do every day. Wat-aah is bottled at a secret water distillery, protected by gnomes, near some of the purest and most magical waters in the world...in NY, NY. There they oxygenate this already mana-rich water to over 4 times the un-oxygenated poison the government sends through lead pipes for your loved ones to drink and subsequently develop genital cancer."

Jason: "4 times the oxygen? That sounds impressive. I'm not a scientist, but wouldn't the oxygen collect in the top of the bottle as a gas, and just escape when you open the bottle?"

Brett: "You know, you're right, you're not a scientist AND you're not a level 80 warlock, so I don't expect you to understand that more than 40 molecular powers of the cosmos are manifest, polarized and imprisoned within every million water molecules in this bottle. Waiting to be consumed and their unbridled power metabolized to cure your cancer."

Jason: "Cure my cancer?!? Is there any evidence we can even "digest" oxygen, as it seems you're suggesting?"

Brett: "It's going into my body, obviously it's being absorbed by the highly evolved oxygen receptors in my digestive system."

Jason: "Assuming the oxygen does make its way into your body, are you sure it's being absorbed, and not just expelled, like when I drink a fizzy drink?"

Brett: "These aren't regular soda burps, those are the dark energies that cause the cancer evacuating your body. Once the oxygen changes your magnetic polarity, and starts apprehending the free radical poisons, like fluoride, guarana and animal protein, they can only escape through the mouth or the rectum."

Jason: "I have to say, none of these claims sound valid. Is this snake oil?"

Brett: "You will lose 30lbs. in the first week."

Jason: "I think we're done here."

Brett: "I will summon the tree wizard..."

Energy Junkie's Wat-aah! Energy Oxygenated Water Review

There's jumping on the bandwagon, and then there's Wat-ahh! Energy Water. Sick of drinking that tap water that most research indicates is completely safe? Tired of being tired all the time? Like to think that wacky completely scientifically unsubstantiated "discoveries" related to base elements is the answer to every ailment? Wat-aah! covers all three bases. It's "vapor distilled", and if you don't know what that means...hopefully it scares you into buying it. It's got extra oxygen...even though it's a fraction of what your lungs process every few millisecond through the organ intended to absorb oxygen...and there's no real reason to believe that the oxygen stays in the water, or that there was ever any extra oxygen in the water in the first place. Lastly, do a search for "oxygenated water", everyone who's never been published in a legitimate scientific publication raves about it's naturopathic healing qualities.

After careful consideration, I'm rating the taste pretty well, because it does taste like bottled water (which tastes almost exactly like water I pour out of my Brita pitcher). Also, I have to reserve 1 ratings for drinks I believe really may be poisonous, like Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drinks. Also, since Steven's "long lasting energy elixir" isn't drinkable, I have to make concession for the value as well. This pains me, as no one should ever buy this product.

In conclusion, did they really pitch me an energy water product on the merits of savory-smelling breath and oral health?