Monster Rehab Green Tea

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Monster Rehab Green Tea Retail Package Description

Monster Rehab Green Tea Plus Energy comes in a can that looks highly similar to Original Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade Energy Drink. The primary differences, the can is green instead of yellow, and there are some different words, primarily, "Green Tea" in place of "Lemonade".

Of course, Monster, the most arrogant company to ever produce caffeine water had to write some overtly verbose manuscript on the back. Here's what the makeshift girlfriendless William Wallace marketing guru had to write that was "hip and trendy" that will "appeal to the edgy youth of America".

Caffeine Addict's Monster Rehab Green Tea Review

Hello again, Jason from screamingenergy.com, which I might as well begin calling monsterrehabreviews.com, at the rate they're releasing these things. Every time I go in the store, there's another one, they're like magazines featuring the Kardashians. At least, in my opinion, Monster Rehab didn't get famous by being a whore on camera, so a sex tape could get "leaked", or get married to decide if a potential mate was "the one"...which it would ultimately be conclude 72 days later, to be "not the one". I'm glad magazines don't bother covering trivial things, like 1/2 million people dying every year from malaria, or that there are more human slaves alive now than at any other time in history, many of them in the sex industry, and alarming percentages of those sex slaves being children. Not covering irrelevant topics like these, allow me to hear speculation on whether Kim Kardashian's butt has been "surgically enhanced".

In this installment, we're talking about Rehab Green Tea Plus Energy. If nothing else, this product is superior to Rehab Protean, because I don't get the protein loogie. Rehab Green Tea and Protean contain goji berry, which I believe contributes to their mutual unpleasant earthy flavor, but is otherwise lightly fruity. The best description I can offer for the flavor is watered down pineapple juice mixed with hippie zest. Surprisingly, though I don't particularly like the taste, I do find Rehab Green Tea appreciably light and immensely refreshing. The aftertaste is, unfortunately, another drawback, it's lingering, and for those old enough to remember postal mail, tastes something akin to glue from stamps and envelopes.

As I say with almost every Monster, I find it amply energizing. Since it's easy to drink, I also get all the energy stuffs into my system fairly quickly, not like Mixxd, which I have to try to choke down over the course of an hour or so. Most people should find this drink acceptably enjoyable, especially when you can get them 2/$3, like I did with this batch.

Energy Junkie's Monster Rehab Green Tea Review

How's this for short and to the point? I don't like it. It tastes like rotten fruit to me. I can taste pineapple, but there's also some awful bitter flavor that tastes like what I imagine a drop or two of gasoline might taste like in an energy tea. The taste is at least mild, but I'd rather something taste good, then be lightly flavored with bad.

It's got a Monster claw on it, so people are going to buy it, claim it's the greatest thing since Darwin wrote a fairy tale about animals morphing into other creatures, given some inane amount of time. Truth-be-told, this still isn't the worst of the Rehab Teas, but it's second to last. Currently, we only have the Orangeade left to review, and I can't imagine it being worse than this drink, or Protean.

We did manage to grab these up at 2/$3, and that's a pretty good price for the Rehab drinks. Unfortunately, since you're going to have the other Rehabs to choose from, this is still a turd, since you could just grab a armload of the Monster Rehab Tea Lemonade Energy Drink. If I was feeling exceptionally squirrely, I might take this over the Rojo, but I'd call that a rare event, like evolving from a creature with opposable digits on their feet, into one that doesn't have them...because that makes sense.