Real Red Bull

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Real Red Bull Retail Package Description

Now, this is what Red Bull is supposed to look like. In the past, I mentioned Guru 100 Percent Natural Energy reminded me of the "Say. Say. Say" video, but the snake oil qualities of the "real" Red Bull bottle, mixed with the recent expiration of "the king of pop" amplify those mental images. While Michael Jackson will be missed (primarly by the pharmaceutical companies, many of which he single-handedly kept in business), that memory of him peddling snake oil with Paul McCartney is one of the few fond memories I have of him and his grossly twisted life, and group of followers. Thankfully, I can relive that one memory every time I enjoy the only redeeming product that bears the name "Red Bull". The bottle is the old fashioned brown bottle (which I refer to as a "snake oil" bottle). The bottle has a bright blue cap with the now-famous charging red bulls. The front label is a sticker that covers three sides of the rounded-square bottle. I acquired this particular bottle at a Japanese restaurant, and admittedly, I'm ignorant in the way of language recognition. My best guess is that all or some of the text on the label is Thai. There is no English on the bottle, but imagine that this bottle is probably produced in several Asian countries with the only variance being the language in which the textual information is represented. On a closing note, as a nice aesthetic touch, the front and back of the bottle are adorned with decorative reliefs of the Red Bull logo.

Caffeine Addict's Real Red Bull Review

Firstly, all of the stats for this drink are estimates. We have no information about sodium content, carbs, fl.oz., etc.

Now, forget everything you "think" you know about Red Bull (aka overpriced liquid garbage). Now, imagine a world where Red Bull wasn't the alternative to "getting a Starbucks". A world where an energy drink was intended to deliver what the body needed to do work, not an energy drink formulated to give we Americans the "energy" we need to sit in a air-conditioned office and look at Facebook and Youtube for 40% of our "workday".

Such a world exists, but because of our propensity to buy overpriced, over-marketed crap we are denied the basic human right of readily available Red Bull (that doesn't suck) and are inundated with coolers full of Red Bull (that does suck).

"Real" Red Bull (as we've chosed to call it), offers a sweet and uncarbonated flavor not easily acquired here in the states. It provides a high-carb energy boost that will keep you going...until you pass out a few hours later, face-down in the hole you were digging simply to burn off the extra energy. This is the polar opposite of Chaser 5-Hour Energy's value proposition(we know they dropped the 'Chaser' portion a couple of years back, but I don't want people to forget that at their root, they're just a company peddling potions that allow you to behave more irresponsibly, and still be able to feel well enough to drive to work drunk the following day). Talk about spoonfuls of sugar, "Real" Red Bull has it, and the crash can be epic in nature. On the other hand, the mixture of active ingredients and sugar in this Red Bull make me feel like I can gnaw through the bark on a tree.

I'm pretty sure you can get these in cases at Asian markets for less than $1.50/each, but we're reporting that they are $1.99/each. As the Stig suggested, value hunt, and don't be alarmed that there are profound cultural differences once you enter most Asian markets. Bask in the diversity, a little cultural exposure never hurt anyone...except Americans.

Energy Junkie's Real Red Bull Review

Like any elitist who argues: "The book was better than the movie", "The original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' was better than the remake" or "The first Bennifer was better than the other ones", I stand firm that this syrupy Asian concoction is far superior to its lily-livered American counterpart. Completely uncarbonated, full of sugar, and as tasty (and thick) as drinking honey straight from the comb. Oh, sweet nectar. With it's approx 5oz. size (I'm guessing, as I have no idea what 10U7N is in oz, and neither does google's search type converter), it's arguable that not only did Thai (Asian) energy drinks far predate the commercially popular American versions, but they also predated the energy shot (many of which have grown from 2oz. like 5 hour energy, to 2.5oz. like Upshot and Hype Marionberry, to the not-yet-reviewed 3oz. Monster Hitman). By comparison, more recent energy shots are beginning to look a lot more like Korea's 3.3oz. Bacchus, which has been in production since the 70's.

In a recent article, relevant in 2005, the New York Times carried on about 5-hour energy, as if it were a new product that was taking the industry by storm, and essentially disregarded that 2oz. shots are already old news, and 4ml microshots like DynaPep and the not-yet-reviewed "Fixx Extreme" have already trumped traditional energy shots in effectiveness, convenience and tolerable taste. Expect the Times to report on this market circa 2012, when Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper/Snapple, and Red Bull become interested in showing up late to that party.

That being said, this isn't the most profoundly energizing drink I've consumed, it's more enjoyable than energizing. It's no slouch in the short term, but the sugar can bring you down when it wears off. For me, this is a good "4 hours before bed" energy drink.

The price of this drink varies wildly, depending on where you get it. I bought this one at a restaurant, where the price was $2.99. On the other hand, I've been in Asian markets where you can buy them by the box (which I think contains 10) for well under $2 per bottle. I'm going to take a rough guesstimate of the overall market, and say that individually, these go for about $1.99 each. I recommend you bargain hunt at your local Asian markets. You might also find a host of other affordable un-Americanized energy drinks to enjoy. As an FYI, if you've never been in an Asian market, don't be alarmed that there will likely be raw fish on display, cans of things you thought couldn't/shouldn't ever be canned and candy flavors that seem to defy the very concept of "candy". While you're there, I can recommend checking out their extensive tea collection, buy a bottle of oyster sauce (the one with the panda bear on it), which I recommend you take home and begin applying to everything you eat and lastly a bag of shrimp snacks (these are like Cheetos, only flavored with wholesome Ramen-noodle-like shrimp flavoring, and I'm pretty sure a healthy dose of MSG).