Red Bull Total Zero

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Red Bull Total Zero Retail Package Description

Red Bull Total Zero comes in a can with a design identical to the original, icon Original Red Bull Fizzy Drink, the difference being the vibrant blue has been replaced with a bland, lifeless metallic grey, an omen of things to come. Even though I think they're the same, this color change even makes the yellow and red in the logo not "pop" as much. The can just looks lifeless next to the other two Red Bulls on the shelf. Nonetheless, around the rim, in a yellow area reads, "Zero Calorie, 8.4 OZ, Zero Carb, Zero Sugar", as if '8.4 OZ' is something to tout. There's the usual text on the front "Lightly Carbonated, Serve Chilled" and "With Taurine Vitalizes body and mind." The back of the can reads, "Red Bull (all rights reserved) Total Zero", then in Red Bull red, "Improves Performance, especially during times of increased stress or strain, increase s concentration and improves reaction speed, stimulates the metabolism". We don't agree with any of these statements. Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalanine. Of course some mess about not being recommended for knocked up or nursing women, or stupid kids.

Caffeine Addict's Red Bull Total Zero Review

I haven't had a sugar free Red Bull in nearly a decade. Yesterday, I found Red Bull Total Zero at the store. Now, I don't remember how bad Sugar Free Red Bull was, but I can't imagine it's anywhere nearly as sickening as Red Bull Total Zero. This Red Bull tastes like someone put a twist of grapefruit into sea water. The amazing part is, it's not very high in sodium, so I have no idea what makes it taste like something with which you'd clean your contacts. Everything about it tastes "chemical". If I was given this product in a blind taste test, the tart bite and unpleasant aftertaste are the only thing that would make me guess it's part of the Red Bull franchise. We've never sung the praises of Red Bull, at least the carbonated mess we get here in the states, with that in mind, this is still, by far, the worst of the Red Bull energy drinks.

With a puny smattering of vitamins, and barely enough caffeine to keep me from getting a withdrawal headache, I can't help but reiterate, as we have so many times, that Red Bull is one of the worst energy products on the market. Let's pretend for a second that Red Bull wasn't less effective than taking a B-Complex daily vitamin with a 12oz. Glass of Coke, and that Coke doesn't taste infinitely better, even then, $2.19 is about $1 overpriced. In its current state, Red Bull Total Zero is about $2.19 overpriced.

Viewers and readers, I'm begging you, stop throwing money away on Red Bull. It's an inferior product in every way. At the time of this review, none of the following companies are paying me to say this, but if you want a carbonated drink that tastes great and gives you energy, all of these (in no particular order) are better, in every way than Red Bull:

Jolt Blue or Power Cola
Bawls Guarana
Power Trip's entire product line
NOS Grape
pretty much any Rockstar
Crunk!!!
Monster (any of them besides Mixxd, Assault and Khaos)
any Rip-It
Joker Mad Energy (which are sometimes at Big Lots, and are pretty much repackaged Monster)
Vault
Mountain Dew
Caffeine Free Diet Coke
and even Amway's XS Energy products

Pretty much just buy anything but Red Bull. I'd say, the only product that isn't better is Wat-aah! $1.50 water.

Energy Junkie's Red Bull Total Zero Review

At least Red Bull is sparing in their release of useless product, unlike Monster, which isn't afraid to release a bad product directly out of the R and D, without even testing to see if the average consumer can open the container. So sparing is Red Bull, that Red Bull Cola, which came out about 3 years ago, is one of the few Red Bull variations, and I believe was the best product they've ever made. It tasted great, was 12oz., had attractive packaging, and was about 25% cheaper than regular Red Bull. On the other hand, their other endeavor, the Red Bull Energy Shot was a $3 calamity. Total Zero is unique in that it's the first addition to the original Red Bull line of drinks (meaning it's the same base flavor formula, like Monster Absolutely Zero to Monster Lo-Carb.

I'm going to start by saying, unless you're so diabetic that you die when you consume 3g of carbs, there's no reason to buy Red Bull Total Zero. Everything about it is bland and pointless. The can is warm and welcoming as a winter day in the famine-stricken Soviet Bloc. The contents of the can aren't must more pleasant. Adding Red Bull Total Zero to the mix changes the old Red Bull line up from, "the drinkable one, and the bad one" to "the drinkable one, the bad one, and the undrinkable one". For those who complain regular Red Bull is overtly sweet, this is the only possible selling point for Total Zero. I think Total Zero taste mostly bitter. That's not to say it isn't laden with artificial sweetener, it just lacks that thick, candy-sweet characteristic of regular Red Bull. I can't taste much difference in the base flavor, tart and unpleasant, just like the others.

I don't even feel like we need to talk about price. This drink is $2.19. It's as much a rip off as investing in 1987 topps or 1989 fleer baseball cards. The energy level is minimal, even for a lightweight.