Rockstar Juiced Mango Orange Passion Fruit

A Fair & Honest Energy Drink Review

Rockstar Juiced Mango Orange Passion Fruit Retail Package Description

You can see the can in the picture. This isn't even the can that's currently in production. This is what happens when Jason puts drinks to be reviewed in the refrigerator crisper, and I find them while looking for the mustard greens.

The color-scheme of the can is pretty much still the same, but the layout is more like our photos of Rockstar Punched and Rockstar Roasted Mocha.

Caffeine Addict's Rockstar Juiced Mango Orange Passion Fruit Review

Anyone who has ever read my older juice reviews knows that I usually taste metallic whenever juice comes from a can. Maybe it's the carbonation, but this drink doesn't suffer from that problem as badly as others. Unfortunately, it does suffer from both mango and passion fruit being printed on, and contained within the can. Both are repugnant flavors that should never have been considered for inclusion in any energy drink formula. While I've heard many claim that all energy drinks taste like passionfruit (affectionately, "the uneducated masses"), very few actually claim to contain or taste like passionfruit. For those who think Regular Rockstar, Red Bull, et al taste like passion fruit, drink a Rockstar Juiced Mango/Orange/Passion Fruit, and prepare for a sobering slap in the taste buds (and trip to the toilet).

Maybe it's just me, but they might as well label this stuff GoLYTELY, which about.com explains, is used "to eliminate all fecal matter from the colon". Like GoLYTELY, after the first few glasses of Rockstar Juiced, bowel evacuation (in the form of diarrhea) will begin. While I find diarrhea as amusing as anyone else, and often LOL at my own eruptions in public restrooms, the lower abdominal pains were no laughing matter. Also, it made my pee bright yellow/green, and made me never want to drink anything else ever again, for fear it would taste like Rockstar Juiced.

I really can't decide which is worse, the taste or the explosive diarrhea. I can't say that I feel very energized after my $2 investment when I spent the whole day on the toilet. As an energy drink, this fails in every value way. If you're looking to evacuate your colon, this may be a reasonable value.

Energy Junkie's Rockstar Juiced Mango Orange Passion Fruit Review

Juice out of a can isn't so great, passion fruit out of a can is less great, and what I discovered from Rockstar Juiced is that carbonated passion fruit out of a can is as unholy of a union as a Hitler and 80's-themed dance club called "der Fruhstuckfuhrer". I'm immediately sickened to my stomach when I drink Rockstar Juiced. It's overtly sweet. It tastes like you took the juice from canned mixed fruit cups (the pull-top ones that I always cut myself on) and carbonated it. Thanks to those fruit cups, I was almost 20 before I realized that pineapple fruit didn't have the same texture as pears, peaches and whatever those pinkish orb-shaped things were supposed to be.

About half way through the can, I wanted to dump it out, but was afraid there may be EPA ramifications. I'm personally repulsed even by the smell of this product.

At the time of this review, I've still not consumed the entirety of this sadistic slop. I've finished at least one serving, and I'd say it's safely as energizing as any other Rockstar product, regrettably, it's nauseating.

This "drink" retails for around $2. I'd be hard-pressed to not feel that it's half the value as a punch in the face at twice the price.